don't fear the fear: an entrepreneur's soul-baring soliloquy

flipping frantically to page 29 of the march issue, i couldn’t wait to see if they quoted me.

and then there it was – a very large and in charge “A”. as in angela. (that's me.)

a 4-page spread in Entrepreneur magazine on the topic of fear as a catalyst to success – and the article starts with my name. some might say, “oh, wow that must be the most amazing feeling in the world.”

and it was.
for a moment.
(hear me out.)

being faced with your own words staring back at you on the glossy pages of your favorite magazine; the same magazine your dad gave you your first subscription at the ripe age of 12? incredible, for sure. but reading my own words challenged me to the very core: do you really believe it or is it bravado?

“My faith in what I’m capable of doing is greater than my fear of doing it. I know I will figure it out. Too little fear of failure results in recklessness; too much fear guarantees complacency. But I know that if I operate in a place of fear, I will never, ever get where I’m going. And I’ve got big things to do. I’m grateful for the fear. It’s what drives me.” ~me 

so here’s irony for ya: reading it was surreal, immediately followed by sheer (you guessed it) fear. why? 

taking risks? going after the unknown? those don’t scare me – they drive me. but quite possibly what i fear most is creating something bigger than me. what if I can't control it? what if i get in over my head? what if i fail? or sometimes i think what i fear most is this: what if i actually succeed?

here's the thing: right now i can pull the cute little humble card, like “look at me, aren't you happy, but still not threatened?” instantly, i have flashbacks to middle school, being labeled the rich girl because my parents owned a business in town. “rich” is a stretch. dad went to work at 1am every morning at the bakery in our small rural hometown. that business put food on the table and gave us all that we needed (not wanted); but he provided. “rich” is an overstatement when i started working for $4.25/hour (minimum wage back then - you do the math) when i was 7 because i wanted to work, make my own money, and be a part of the family business. “rich” isn't exactly the word to describe a girl who paid for her own (red) car when she turned 16 or applied for and received academic scholarships to go to college with parents (still working in the glam bakery biz) to pay for college, at the sacrifice of saving for their own retirement.

[bear with me - even ranting like this feels uncomfortably like bragging, but i've got a point, i promise.]  

see, i'm comfortable with a certain level of success. i've always got straight A's, was salutatorian of my itty bitty 121 person class in middle-of nowhere colorado, was captain of the cheerleading squad. i was accepted into a prestigious leadership program in college and graduated in 3 1/2 years to save my parents paying for 1 more semester. i landed an amazing paid internship in college and job after graduating that moved me to california where i would get my graduate degree before starting fitlosophy. see, i'm ok with achieving; it's what i do. but closely adhering to my momma's advice, i've been adamant on never getting too big for my britches.

but what if i do? sometimes i think i fear that more than failure. because if i do fail, i can say, “it's ok...I tried.” but if i succeed ? what if no one likes me? what if i'm labeled yet again the “rich girl”? see people think entrepreneurs don't care what others think; on the contrary. i don’t make it a habit of quoting myself, because, well that’s just weird; but also quoted in the article, i elaborate on a conversation with a mentor and fellow entrepreneur on this topic of not being enough:

“entrepreneurs are some of the most insecure people you’ll ever meet because there’s always something to prove.”

a quick 48-hour trip to orange county this week was an eye-opener. there to do a photoshoot for a feature in the upcoming june issue of Entrepreneur, this time the subject is not on fear – but on fitlosphy’s growth. and it hit me: the only thing holding me back: me.

i've always called fitbook my baby. but nothing wakes you up more than realizing the reason your little toddler's growth is stunted - is you; that what you say you want and what you're actually capable of achieving lies solely in your inability to let go and let your baby grow.

i have a choice. either fitlosophy will always be “angela’s cute little company” – or it will grow beyond me to be a too-big-for-our-britches biz. (emphasis on the “our” – because this is about we, not me.) so what if it does? still giddy and glowing from the after-effects of the photo sesh, my epiphany was this: i do not fear success; i only fear not living up to my own God-given potential.

in closing, my gift to you is sharing an excerpt with insanely inspiring words of wisdom, which have inspired me for years:

"it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; 
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. 

we ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

actually, who are you not to be? you are a child of God.

your playing small does not serve the world."

i challenge to you to join me on this quest to be more than we ever dreamed; to grow beyond our comfort zone – and in doing so we give each other permission to do the same.

fear not fitbookers - we were created to be far greater; for a Purpose. as long as we keep our eyes fixed on the Source of our success and not the success itself, i believe wholeheartedly that our potential far surpasses any silly fear that may try to hold us back.

what would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail?
tell me.

fearfully and wonderfully made,

1 Response


April 04, 2016

so proud of you! I’ll definitely be purchasing the June edition and will be needing it autographed! ;)

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