does anyone recall why i started my blog? it was about a year-and-a half ago in february when i decided to embark on and blog my way through preparing for and competing in my first figure competition. i look back at my first blogs and realize how i poured my little heart into each post. partly because, well that’s just the way i am, but also because while prepping for that was physically exhausting, it was much more emotionally draining than anything i’ve ever done before. so then i look at my blog posts now and i realize that while i dabble here and there with sharing workout programs, recipes, and nutrition tips, and update you on my overly-enthusiastic updates on fitlosophy, what i’ve lost in all this is the personal aspect. which is what makes this different from any other blog right? me. you can get fitness tips anywhere, recipes are a dime a dozen, and unless you’re one of my dear friends or my proud momma, my news on fitlosophy may not be as exciting to you as it is for me. so here’s what i promise: i’m gonna open up (again), not just because you deserve for me to be open and honest (and entertaining), but for me too.
so where have i been? well let’s back-track as to why i possibly haven’t been blogging about my rockin’ workouts and super-strict, clean eating. if you followed me for long after the competition, i went through what i called ”post-traumatic competition syndrome“. [read that blog post to understand why - very in-depth about the emotions of it all!] yeah, i was so not prepared for the “after”. so that was a little over a year ago and i found myself actually 15lb heavier than i was even before i started the competition. i knew i just had to do it the right way to lose the weight, but just like everyone else it is a daily choice. so for the past year i have been working my butt off - literally, trying to eat as healthy as possible, but like you having good days and tough days too. i’m an emotional eater, sometimes a stress eater, and while i’m probably one of the healthiest people you might know, after 9 o’clock is my ‘danger zone’. i know a lot of people can relate to this. so – this means that some days, while i would have kicked butt in the gym, i would have a little bowl of cereal that i didn’t need, because after all who needs carbs for energy at night which is then just stored as fat! so this was my struggle. then add to it that i have fitlosophy: i (feel like i) am supposed to be this perfect role model of health and i felt like who was i to be giving tips when i couldn’t get my own weight under control. you may think: 15lbs…you poor thing (sarcastically). try going from 10% body fat with poppin’ 6-pack abs to having an uncomfortable roll over the top of your jeans that you can barely squeeze your booty in. not only was i dealing with the actual physical weight but there was a definite case of body dysmorphia going on there too. so my goals for the past 3 fitbooks: to regain self-confidence, to rock my sports bra at the gym (not for other’s eyeballs, but for me), and to have the same confidence as the girl on my website. so opening up and blogging was something that i couldn’t do when i couldn’t even face my own reality at times, hence my absence from talking about anything very personal at all. all i can explain is sometimes feeling like a fake…like i would say one thing, and do another. and the only thing that kept me going on some days was you….the fitbookers that would email me, or make a comment on facebook about how something i said or how fitbook had changed their day or life. i knew that i had to push through this, not just for me, but so i could continue positively influencing others.
how’s that for opening up? so: i want to take this opportunity to update you on where i’m at and ask you to join me as we finish out 2010 with 12 weeks to go. i am very proud of myself, having finally lost 10 of the 15lbs. and honestly, i’m kinda happy where i’m at. prior to my competition, i had a minor-slash-okay-major trauma in my life that lead to me losing about 7 lbs in a matter of 2 weeks…that’s not healthy. so i’m really not using the scale to determine whether or not i’m where i want to be. but i will say that i’m happily back in my size 26 jeans (with no love handle) and my abs are poppin’ (on good days) – but of course nowhere near like they were when i was competing. but that wasn’t sustainable and i know that now. while i may be a few lbs heavier, the things i learned about myself through this entire process was entirely worth it’s weight in gold. so what are my goals now? i had a realization the other day: i want my strength back. i miss that so much! when i was training i could bench press my body weight, knock out 50 push-ups, and do pull-ups and plank leg-raises like nobody’s business. i want that back. so instead of creating a goal based on weight or body fat, my goal is going to be focused on building my strength and i have a feeling the scale might just follow. so i’m off to the gym today to take my measurements, then determine where i’m at now on the following exercises…then i’ll see how far i come in 12 weeks:
even though i’m a trainer, i’m going to bribe a trainer friend of mine to bounce my ideas off of him so i create a plan to reach these goals. [speaking of which: him and i are rolling out offerings in the next few weeks if you want custom plans...stay tuned!] plus, telling someone else what your goals are also holds you ULTRA accountable to them – so tell a friend, or heck…blog about it, that’ll do it! so there you have it. that’s where i WILL be on january 1st, 2011 when my nth fitbook ends and i set yet another goal. what i love about life is that it’s always a challenge. just when you think you “get it”, something else challenges you, forces you to grow and change, and you find out that you’re better for it. what are you going to do to change for the better? i’m not saying you have to change your life completely – take baby steps. break it down into achievable goals so you don’t overwhelm yourself: decide where you want to be on january 1st and don’t wait until then to start living your life. start now. we only get one life and it’s up to us to live it to the fullest. share your goals with me. now that i’ve opened up with you, please….do the same!
with ALL my heart,
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